Who Needs That Crap?

Elvis Presley, 1973 Aloha From Hawaii television broadcast (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What a society we have become.  Our ancestors would be embarrassed to see us now.  Reality television,  Celebrity addiction, paying big dollars for crap…yes crap and I mean the one that belongs in the toilet not on your trophy wall.

Yesterday, the first story I read was one in which a used pair of underpants once worn by Elvis Presley was going on sale.  The final price was expected to be in the tens of thousands.  I could not stop thinking how ridiculous and disgusting this was.  Not to mention the waste of money.

To further illustrate how far our race has fallen, the seller was brave and confident enough to actually described the undies to be ‘unwashed’ and ‘stained’.  In the stores, you are not even allowed to try on underwear but here we are, so enthralled by celebrities, that we are willing to pay top dollars for an old poop-stained one.  Now what would anyone do with a used undies? And also, what makes Elvis’ poop more important than yours or mine?  This underscores the saying,  ’His sh** doesn’t stink?.

Seriously though, what exactly would the buyer do with this trophy? Or maybe I don’t want to know?  How does it authenticate it?  Is it really the King’s poop? Would he wash it and wear it? Or wear it as is?  Or smell it?  Help me here because I must be missing something.

Yes, we are one strange species.  I think it’s time I holler for Scotty to beam me up.  Lots of life form down here but no intelligence.  To those who were before us, I am sorry.  Glad you are not around to see us like this.

Related articles

• Elvis’ Underwear Goes Up for Auction (rollingstone.com)
• [Watercooler Moment] Elvis Presley’s underwear to auction for £10,000 (newstalk.ie)
• There Is No Way In Hell Anyone Is Outbidding Me For Elvis’ Piss-Stained Undies (rhodyview.com)
• Let’s be brief: Elvis’ underwear up for auction (sfluxe.com)

Whose Poem Is It Anyway?

My favorite subject is English.  I love to write poems but I am not a big fan of poetry. What I never quite understood was how my teachers were able to get inside the head of a poet and understand exactly what they were trying to convey in their poem.

O Lady Moon

O Lady Moon, your horns point toward the east:
Shine, be increased;
O Lady Moon, your horns point toward the west:
Wane, be at rest.

Christina Georgina Rossetti

Take that poem for example, my English teacher could tell us that Christina was not actually talking about the moon but something else.  (I am not sure what else it could be).  To me that is not even a poem.  I could come up with that in a drunken stupor, yet this poem is famous.  But that’s not the point, how did my teachers know what Christina meant by this short poem?  It’s not just her, they could take any poem and do the same trick!

“Class, the writer is telling us about a lover who is not returning her love”.  And how do you know that, teacher?  ”From the tone of the poem, we can see she is forlorn and is asking him to increase his love for her”.

How do we translate a poet’s language with such confidence.  How do we know that their words are not literal?  Just words.  With long-dead writers who are not around to explain the true meaning of their work, how could we decipher their poems?  So, was my poetry teacher just bs’ing?

                   With a slash and a cut, it all came apart,

                                                        exposing to the world, its perceived  

                                   meaning.  

Perceived by those who thought they knew my heart,

my mind, but it was all just my take.

                                                                                                                               Me

Casting the first stone

A Mexican standoff. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.”   We all know this Biblical saying.  But imagine what a boring world it would be if we subscribe to it.   None of us are without sin, even if we do not kill, we may lie.    Sin is sin, isn’t it?   if I am to judge my kleptomaniac neighbor, he also has the right to judge me, so  what we have here ladies and gentlemen, is a Mexican standoff.  No stones will be cast today.  You may now proceed to your homes.

In this day and age, casting the first stone is a luxury not readily affordable.  There is a race to get to that first stone and prizes are awarded.  Well at least so it seems.  Everyone’s fingers are pointed at everyone else but themselves.  We see the guy creeping on his wife but our own spousal abuse is overlooked.  As long as we are not cheating, it’s all good.  Sin that is highly visible takes precedent over sin that is behind closed doors and that makes it easier for the closeted sinner to cast the first stone.

Isn’t it funny that casting that first stone is almost the same as being the first one with the correct answer?  We all want to be the one who outed the sinner.  ’I caught him red-handed’ is a triumphant cry, worthy of a trophy but our hands stay in our pockets for fear that they too might be seen to be red.

So why is it so much easier to cast the first stone even if we do not fit the criteria of a qualified stone caster?  Why is it easier to ignore our own failures while pointing out those in others?  Is it even possible for us to first look at ourselves before we look at others?  I fear not.

Texteritis almost claimed driver!

Texteritis warning

I wrote a blog a while ago about the new pandemic that was sweeping the world, texteritis.  Many of you did not believe me and ventured out without protection from this dreaded killer disease.   Some of you paid a high price and some barely made it.  Here’s a story of one such reader who barely made it.

By Jordana Divon

With all the horrific stories about texting and driving, it’s amazing how many people continue to do it.

And as QMI Agency reports, a 21-year-old man got a pretty terrifying reply from the universe to one of his on-the-road messages.

Chance Bothe had just typed: “I need to quit texting because I could die in a car accident” to a friend when he lost control of his pickup, flew off a bridge and went careening into a ravine 35 feet below. The Texas college student survived — but barely.

A hospital report revealed he suffered traumatic brain injuries, a broken neck, a punctured lung, compound leg fractures, a fractured skull, sternum and rib fractures, and a fractured face that required reconstructive surgery. Bothe required extensive surgery and six months of rehabilitation.

To his credit, the young man is turning his ordeal into a living lesson. He plans to spread the message, by example, that you can be a great driver and an even more dexterous texter, but there’s a reason both machines should be operated separately.

Now I hope that he learned a valuable lesson.  People, texteritis is serious!  Do not take it lightly.  You were warned.

Related articles

• Texteritis outbreak reported! (myvuze.wordpress.com)
• Video: College student drives off cliff while texting prophetic message (autoblog.com)
• Texting Driver Plunges Off Cliff: DNews Nuggets (news.discovery.com)
• Texas College student almost predicts his death caused by texting (intomobile.com)

When Dreams Come True

Polski: Oscar Pistorius podczas startu w 2. Memoriale Kamili Skolimowskiej, 20 września 2011 roku w Warszawie. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A little South African baby boy legs are amputated just below his knees.  A Kenyan girl leaves home seeking a way to take care of her family living in poverty.   A young African-American girl is forced to train while the process of her parents divorce hovers overhead.  She is also faced with the obstacles of being a black girl trying to excel at a sport not normally dominated by blacks.  A brash Jamaican boy with a mischievous attitude, went from relative obscurity to being one of the top marketable athletes in the world.  What do all the above have in common?  They all fought the odds and went on to Olympic glory in 2012.  Olympic glory is not defined by a medal, it is the spirit of being there. Of being in the spotlight while dreams are realized.

Some of us see the Olympics as a financial drain and waste of time.  Why would any country want to host such a thing when the world is in such economic turmoil?  Well after watching a fair bit of the Olympics yesterday, I can say that this thing is bigger than the world’s economy.  Bigger than politics and Hollywood. Much bigger.

Oscar Pistorius was the little boy from South Africa born without fibulas, which eventually led to amputations in both legs at the tender age of 11.  Despite the setback, he gained the use of special prosthetics that allowed him to take part in sports at a high level, eventually, the Olympics.  Oscar qualified for the 400m by placing third in his heat!  Quite an accomplishment in itself and one that had never been done before.  His story will warm your heart as will his winning and genuine smile.  He has faced criticisms in chasing his dream.  Critics debated whether he held an unfair advantage with his use of the specialized prosthetics.  With Oscar’s performance, children around the world who are living with handicaps can afford to dream and dream big!

Athletes from Kenya and other parts of the world, took the hard road to the Olympics.  Their stories leaves you in awe as they tell of their ailing parents and their many children living in huts.  The set out to be the best at what they do best, running, knowing that this would provide for them and their loved ones.  Inspiring to say the least.  After reading their story you will cheer for the Kenyans the next time you watch a race in which they are running.

By now most of us know the story of the darling of the Olympics, Gabby Douglas.  Gabby became the first African-American to capture gold in a sport not known for African-American domination, gymnastics.  Behind the scenes, Gabby is distracted by the impending divorce of her parents, partly due to her army dad deployment being prolonged.  Gabby has fought mental battles on her way to glory.  She finds strength in her faith in God and her 10000 watt smile on her face is worth gold.  Dreams do come through.  Thanks to you and others like you, color never has to be an excuse.

I watched the great Michael Phelps celebrate yet another medal to add to his world record haul, Serena Williams‘ antics as she easily dispensed of her Russian rival, Maria Sharapova.  Rosie Maclennan, the Canadian gold medal winner in the trampoline event.  Her deceased grandfather was her source of inspiration. The list goes on.  Each one has a story to tell and the looks on their faces as they compete and complete tells their own story.   Some collapsed on the field, tears flow, the grins broadens.  Some thank God and their family, some cry for the loved ones who were not there to share their moment, others cry as their dreams are realized. They encircle themselves with the flags of their countries, patriotism at its best.  No losers are here, they are all winners.

Yes, in a time when economic instability is everywhere, this is what the world needs.   Let’s all dream. Dreams can come true.

Related articles

• The Faith of Olympic Champion Gabrielle Douglas and the Strength of Her Mother (wisdomformom.com)
• http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2183256/Gabby-Douglas-secret-heartbreak-Gold-medal-sensation-tormented-absent-soldier-father–family-split-Olympic-dream.html
• http://www.npr.org/2012/07/28/157503759/kenyan-runners-dash-to-olympic-gold-and-wealth

Monkey follows olympic gymnast

That’s not the monkey bar!

May I have your attention please…Hello! Hello!  Oh, there you are, sorry for yelling.  I have another blog that is screaming for release.  Plus, it’s relevant to the Olympics which is taking place now, so I want to get it out there while it’s still relevant and fresh.

Ok, where do I start? Have you been following the Olympics at all? Even minimally?  If so, then you must have heard about Gabby Douglas, the darling of the games.  Gabby  happens to be black, (Go Sista! Represent!) and kicks some serious ass in gymnastics.  Yes! A black girl dominating a sport usually not reserved for us colored folks. Damn, I just identified my race. I hope this doesn’t interfere with our relationship.

Gabby Douglas, in winning the gold medal, became the very first African-American to do so.  Every television network worth their salt was talking about her exploits and NBC was no exception.  Well except what transpired after they were done talking about Gabby Douglas.  As soon as the sportscaster finished telling viewers what an accomplishment it was for an African-American girl to capture gold in such an event, the network proceeded to air an ad featuring a monkey doing gymnastics.  It was for a new show in that they were starting in the fall.

I am mad! I am steamed! I am upset! (Aren’t you going to ask me why?).  You automatically thought I am mad because of the monkey following Gabby?  Do I see it as an act of terrorism racism? Heck no.  I am mad about the protesters who took to twitter and other social media, to cry foul over this blatant act of racism.  (sarcasm).  Had I seen that apparent faux pas, I promise you that even as a brother, I would not have drawn such a conclusion.  It know that maybe I should be happy that us blacks have Twitterers and Facebookers looking out for our best interest but please I beg you, stop it! You are the ones who are waking up sleeping dogs here.   You see dead people.  You are just looking for a cause to protest.  Come on already!  Remember the Slave Shoes Adidas was attempting to produce?  They had ankle chains that prompted an outcry from those who cried foul and cried on their social media because it evoked memories of slavery.  Gad! Gimme a break! Adidas also had to issue an apology and dished production.
NBC was forced to send out an apology on their ill-timed ad.  In my opinion, or IMHO, this should have been a non-issue.  We should be celebrating this girl’s major accomplishment, not forever tarnishing it with our small-minded observations.  For all we know, it could have been an act of racism or maybe not.  We don’t know and we shouldn’t care. What people are saying behind our backs is none of our business.

Congratulations Gabby! Get that monkey off your back!

Note:  After all is said and done, I do agree on one thing, that the ad was indeed wrongly timed and as humans, we do suffer from foot in mouth diseases or brain freezes.

Related articles

• NBC Denies Any Racial Offense Was Meant By Olympic Monkey Promo (mediaite.com)
• NBC Apologizes For Monkey Gymnastics Spot After Gabby Douglas’ Win (alan.com)
• US TV Network Accused of Racism over Timing of Monkey Advertisement [VIDEO] (ibtimes.com)
• NBC coverage of Olympics causes outbreak of Offendeditis, Racial Obsession Syndrome (thedaleygator.wordpress.com)
• Gabby Douglas Makes History As First African-american Woman to Win Gold in Gymnastics (binsidetv.net)
• Adidas Slave Shoes

Food Glorious Food!

 

mmmm….so filling

 

Do you know what is the best food for filling you up so you don’t go eating like a pig all day?  Me neither.  I doubt there is any, at least in my case.

 

I don’t have a weight problem, thanks to good genes (or is that jeans?) and a high metabolism, but I do have a problem with portions.  I eat it all! All of it! At any time.  So quite naturally, I am always on the lookout for foods that the pros recommend for keeping us feeling full longer.  As I call them ‘Filler-upper foods’.

 

Here is a list of the top ten and how they stack up.

 

Porridge – This apparently is supposed to be the top dog for filler-uppers.  Have it first thing in the mornings and you should be good until lunch.   Who are they kidding? Porridge fills me up for a good two hours and that’s it!  By lunch time, I am starving.  I should know, I have a bowl or two every morning.

 

Potatoes – Um, yeah? Do you mean potato chips?  Maybe if I munch on chips all day long I’ll be full.

 

Soup – SOUP?  Are you kidding me?  Soup tells you that your food is on its way, so warm up the digestive system.   Seriously folks?  You want me to eat a bowl of soup and stay full?  Just for the records, I don’t like soup much.

 

Pasta – Now we are talking! After a few bowls of pasta, I am usually good for a while.  I said a while,  don’t get carried away now.

 

Oranges – If you offer me an orange when I say I am hungry, I will throw it back at you.  I eat an orange AFTER my meal, not before.  It’s a snack or a dessert and not intended to fill anyone up.

 

Popcorn – Say what? I have popcorn during a movie and when the movie is over, I can hardly wait to eat  real food.  Maybe it’s from seeing all that food in the movies. I love popcorn!

 

Beans – This turns to gas in your tummy so it’s a case of  ’fill er up’.  Beans is part of my meal, as in a side dish.  It doesn’t do the trick. My father-in-law would sing, ‘Beans beans, the national fruit.  The more you eat it, the more you toot’.

 

Peanuts – Where is banana on this list?

 

Salad – Bush! If salad was a filler-upper food, do you think they would serve it before your entrée at restaurants?   Think about it.  A comedian once said,  ’Salad ain’t food.  Salad is what food eats.’

 

So my quest for the perfect filler-upper food continues…stay tuned folks!

 

 

 

Related articles

• Fill ‘Er Up! (theafterburnsg.wordpress.com)
• http://www.womenfitness.net/top10_stophungryfoods.htm