DeHORNing The BULLies

The web is abuzz on  the sad and tragic story of Amanda Todd, the 15-year old girl who took her own life after being cyber bullied.   you can read it here.

I did a lot of thinking after I read this story, trying to find how bullying could have such devastating effect on someone, not just Amanda.  (Apparently,  Amanda’s life fell apart after she was coerced into flashing her breasts online).

Amanda’s online indiscretion came back to haunt her in a way that she could not deal with.  It followed her to school and everywhere and she responded the way the bullies wanted her to.  She was the perfect victim.   Not everyone  has the mental toughness and attitude to deal with something like this.  Some would shrug it off and tell the bullies to shove it or even call their bluff.  You want to show my boobs on Facebook?  Go right ahead, who cares?  Amanda couldn’t and didn’t and it ate her alive.

Back in my day, bullying was not an issue.  The word ‘bully’ was used casually as in, ‘Leave me alone, you big bully!’  No one was ever accused of actually bullying anyone.  I was called rude names and embarrassed in front of classmates, heck, even my teacher joined in sometimes.  By day’s end, it was all forgotten until the next bullying.   I was never depressed because of it even though it was rather belittling to me.  My wife confessed that she too was bullied because of her early chest development.  Boys would snap her bra and joined the girls in  taunting her.  Again, it was a distant memory by day’s end for her also.   That didn’t mean it was right back then.

In school, I can’t think of anyone who wasn’t harassed or bullied in some way.  Unless it came down to a physical confrontation, it was never an issue and no one complained, not even the victim.

After the tragic fact,  many questions could be asked.  Why didn’t Amanda stay off the computer after being bullied online? Why didn’t she complain to the school authorities? The police, her parent?  All moot now in regards to this poor girl.

Why is bullying getting so dangerous? Are people more insensitive or are our kids overly sensitive?  I don’t know, I am just asking.  Teens everywhere are killing themselves far too often because of bullying.    Why wasn’t this happening years ago?  What changed?  Were we tougher?   Granted, the internet wasn’t around so if a girl bared her breasts, it ended up being her word against those who saw.

In my opinion, our changed society is playing a big part in providing bullies with ammunition they never had before.   Kids cannot deal with not fitting in and being accepted.  Looks are everything.  Self esteem is held together by a thread that falls apart at the first snag.  Computers have provided a breeding ground for a new form of bullying.  Cyber bullies are preying on unsupervised kids with unlimited and uncensored access to websites.  Parents are proud of their 8-year old’s ability to surf the net without assistance.

So how do we change this?  How do we unarmed the bullies and nullify their game?  Anti bullying laws may not be enough.  We could start in our homes. One thing I noticed is that most of the victims are silent until their final act shouts out the fact that they were bullied to death.  Maybe we as parents need to make ourselves and our home a safe haven that our kids can come to with their issues.   We could provide a strong support team that is available to them 24/7, this way they do not feel like they are alone as in Amanda’s case.  She should have never felt that she was alone and had no one to turn to.  Sadly, it’s only after their death that we tell the deceased that we were there for them if only they had come to us.  Maybe in life we did not give them reason to think that way?  Teaching kids to be strong mentally, with respect for themselves and each other is also a step in the right direction.  Although we sometimes cannot control how our children turn out, our homes are usually where it all starts.

We may not be able to actually stop bullying  but we could prepare our children and help them to recognize and deal with all forms of bullying.  Bullying is wrong!  No one should feel the way Amanda did.  If you are a bully or have the tendencies, please seek help.  If you are bullied, never think you are alone.

RIP Amanda!  You were loved!

Never Alone

Related articles

• For anyone who ever dismissed online bullying. Amanda Todd RIP [Mike Turner] (ecademy.com)
• Den Tandt: We have remedies for bullying: What’s missing is will (canada.com)
• U.S. pre-teen encourages kids to stand up for each other in Amanda Todd-inspired anti-bullying campaign (o.canada.com)
• Teen girl’s death after posting video about being bullied (thesun.co.uk)
• Not alone: Amanda Todd case emphasises the importance of helping victims of cyberbullying (mirror.co.uk)
• #109: R.I.P. Amanda Todd (fittingkeys.wordpress.com)
• http://abcnews.go.com/International/bullied-teen-amanda-todd-leaves-chilling-youtube-video/story?id=17463266#.UIFLmm_A-Bw

Teachers and Grading

A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of meeting my cousin’s Science and English teachers at his school’s ‘Meet the Teachers’ Event.  I was less than impressed with the meeting.  First, I went to see the English teacher.  She looked at me as though I had interrupted her family supper and asked ME what would I like to know.  She then promptly summarized some points and ushered me away.  I went in search of the Science teacher, hoping for a better experience.  I found him standing around in the gym chatting it up with some fellow teachers.  I approached him and introduced myself.  (I had my cousin with me by then).  He was even more aloof and brusque.  (I could use more colorful adjectives here).  He made me feel like a paparazzi seeking unauthorized photos.  ‘What would you like to know about him?’ was his opening.   He then casually mentioned that my cousin was good at basketball,  too ‘in’ with the girls, and if he can apply himself a bit more, he would be alright.  he shied away from anything specific.

Now, I don’t want to be too judgmental or harsh on these fine teachers.  Maybe it is just me.  I went expecting a bit more formality. I expected to be sitting across from the teacher’s desk, while they explain to me in no uncertain terms, how my boy was doing.  Giving that I had never met any of them, this would have been the proper way.

Yesterday, my cousin brought home his first report card.  That was a joke!  In my day,   My report card did not need a glossary to translate the terms that explained how I was doing. I was either PASSING, LAZY, NEEDED TO WORK MORE, FAILED, OR EVEN N/A (for when words could not describe how badly I was performing), or worst, REPEAT GRADE.  His report card eloquently stated that for Science, he OCCASIONALLY DEMONSTRATES EXPECTATIONS EMERGING. (I used the Academic Indicator for that one).  Now what exactly am I to glean from this??  Is he doing good? Is he an average student? Dear Teacher, Say It Like It Is!  His English was graded as DE, which means FREQUENTLY DEMONSTRATES EXPECTATIONS DEVELOPING. Well  there it is again!!  What EXACTLY is developing and emerging at this school?? The kid is reading below his age group. His writing needs a lot of work, he is lazy, does not turn in homework, etc. but would anyone get that from his report card?   Well at least in Phys Ed. He got an ES which means he CONSISTENTLY DEMONSTRATES EXPECTATIONS ESTABLISHED.  (by then my consternation had turned to laughter). Putting it all together,  I am gathering he is Frequently Consistent Occasionally.  Seriously now, let’s break this last one down.  So there are expectations in Phys Ed. that were Established. (I got this part).  and he is Demonstrating  these expectations consistently?  Sorry, lost me there, still makes no sense. Maybe it’s just me.

I would schedule another meeting to get his report card translated but I could be interrupting something.  Maybe a lap dance.

Just my take…

Footnote:  On May 16th, 2012, almost 7 months to the day, the following article was in the local newspaper.  Click here to read.