As a kid, I was cruel to small animals. I slowly tortured lizards and small insects just to watch them die. I had a pellet gun that I used to shoot birds as they sat on a wire sunning themselves. Chickens were target practice for my deadly rock throwing arm. Our cat was not spared. I would test his agility by tossing him from heights. All this while living in St. Vincent and only there.
Now the reason I am telling you this is not to brag or boast. I am not proud of what I did but everyone’s got skeletons, right? I want to ask, could all the above be signs of a psychopath in the making? If I had been the guy who gunned down those people in the theater, you would have been reading about my exploits in the newspapers instead of this blog. Witnesses to my dirty deeds would have come forward to attest to my guilt. From my acts as a kid, they could see it coming, they would say. “Oh, I am not surprised, he abused dogs when he was a kid.” they might say. ”There was just something about him.” Another might say, So what’s the difference? What separates me from the other guy who apparently had a less checkered past?
James Holmes, the latest mass murderer in the US, was an exemplary student in university. His only other previous misdemeanor was a speeding ticket. No cruelty to animals or humans for that matter. As we speak, it’s a media frenzy out there with everyone trying to find something, anything that could shed some light on this good boy gone bad. An ex? Abused as a kid? Bullied? Terrorist indoctrination? Talk show hosts try to explain how it could happen. Each voicing just their own opinion. Still no one knows.
Maybe a stellar student suddenly struggling through his classes was a sign but is that enough for the cops to take interest in someone? Hardly sounds like the making of a mass murderer, you have to agree. But what sounds like the making of a mass murderer? Abusing small animals as a kid? Then if so, I am not realizing my true potential, am I?
While at the hospital waiting to have my blood drawn for testing, I thought, what if I went out, got a gun and started shooting the people in the waiting room? Would I derive any pleasure from that? I felt disgusted even thinking about it but I had to. I would have checked myself into a psych ward or turn myself in to the authorities if I had gotten excited over that thought. Thankfully, the thought made me disgusted and I concluded that it would not be a pleasurable experience to watch people die at my hands. But then, I am not a psychopath. I am not sick and my wiring is intact and I hope they stay that way.
So no matter how much we try to dissect, the mind of a madman will always be something we can never understand. We will never be able to point out with any degree of certainty, who among us is going to go postal. Can we stop them? How could we if we don’t know who they are and how they think? Scary huh? Don’t lose sleep over it.
Note: I love and respect all living things. What I did as a kid was due to not knowing any better.
Just my take.